BLOATED - check, FAT- check, UGLY- check

Mo:






50% of the population will not have any idea what I´m talking about. (But you could learn a thing or two...)

4-7+ days/month life runs in slow-motion for a large portion of women. Symptoms include feeling:

- bloated, which leads you to feeling:
- fat (yes, fat. It doesn´t matter which size you were to begin with...) which leads you to feeling:
-ugly (and I´m sure even Gisele Bündchen has had this feeling) which leads you to feeling:
- sad (and sometimes you even cry to the latest edition of ER) which leads you to feeling:
- angry (why the f...ck do this sh...t have to come back EACH MONTH?!) which leads you to feeling:
- miserable, because now you are bloated, fat, ugly, sad, angry + on top of all that you will bleed uncontrollably for days on end! Absolutely fabtastic news, eh?

Very few women feel none of the symptoms above. Not to mention the havoc many women go through during their PMS. Which is a completely different nut to crack. Isn´t that quite incredible? This means out of a 4-week working month, we will most probably not perform as well as we could 25% of the time?! Let alone the extra costs of being a woman, have you guys any idea of how much tampons, sanitary towels and Ipren really costs? Every month - for about 40+ years?!!


Different remedies help for different women.



Here are mine.

How to beat the period-blues:

- sleeping in (ehhhh...how many employed people have got this choice?...sorry...)

- exercising (yoga or gentle jog, getting some oxygen into the system is a great pain reliever)

- staying away from sugar (which I try and do anyway, since it just makes me feel even more lethargic)

- cuddling (works 9 times out of 10. As the partner, if you dare approaching your woman whilst she roars like a lion and cuddle her, she will turn into a purring kitten. If it happens to be the 10th time though, she might bite your head off...or something worse)

I´ve noticed in the recent year that having less carbs and more fats in my diet have almost "cured" my PMS completely. And I used to be...lethal...in the days running up to my period.

By the way, a few tips for any partners out there, not really knowing how to deal with your girlfriends/wives during their PMS: stay calm. W.h.a.t.e.v.e.r they do or say - do stay calm. Talking back or even worse raising your voice, will most probably bring on WWIII. Either in plates flying, doors slamming or tears the size of the Geneva lake.

During their period: Do NOT try to give a medical explanation to why she feels miserable, bloated, fat, ugly, sad and/or angry... Example 1: "You see honey, it´s normal. All these hormones...bla bla....bla..." Not a good idea if you want your head to stay on your shoulders.

Example 2: Do NOT try the "...but sweetie, your stomach is the same size as a week ago? No, you don´t look bloated/fat/ugly...." Repeating the BAD word will NOT help! Just say that she is beautiful and that you love her. No explanations needed.

...Good luck! It will probably only last another 20-30 years more, or so...

Short dictionary for menstruation-challenged people:
PMS = Premenstrual Syndrome
is a collection of physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms related to a woman's menstrual cycle. While most women of child-bearing age (about 80 percent) have some Premenstrual symptoms, women with PMS have symptoms of "sufficient severity to interfere with some aspects of life". The symptoms may vanish after the menstrual flow starts, but may continue even after the flow has begun.