2008/03/03

Body beautiful Part 2

Mo: When I was 17, I started the day on the scales. Like a ritual: get out of bed, stumble into the laundry room where the scales was kept and stare at the numbers. The first line in my diary contained my weight in kilos, hektos and grams - every day for about 3 years... If I had lost a couple hg´s it was a good day. If I, on the other hand had put anything on from the previous day it was a miserable, sad day. It would affect my mood, my thoughts, my whole life during that period. I would think about it breakfast, lunch and dinner.

It would take up an awful amount of time and worry and it would consume sooo much energy.

I went through a vegetarian phase (1yr), excluding cheese period (6months), not eating anything sweet (6months-1 yr), by the age of 18 I had tried the "air hostess"-diet, the "egg and spinach"-diet (oouuch), Viktväktarna, the "soup"-diet and every other popular diet around that time. Some days I tried to get by on an apple and some tea.

The only thing that saved me from sinking into a full blown eating disorder was my love for movement, sports and life. And somewhere deep inside - a deep rooted love for my body, despite the torture I put it through. Although I desperately wanted to loose about 6-10kg, I lacked that more serious self hate that a lot of anorexia victims experience.

Around the age of 20 it all started to change. Why? I´m not really sure why. Getting out of college certainly helped. I hated that time of insecurity and daily comparison with people I didn´t even want to compare myself to. And suddenly, when I slowly grew to accept myself fully and wholly, I came to love every piece of my body - and lost almost 10kg in 1-2 years - without even trying.

If it is something I try to do regularly since then on a daily basis, it´s to celebrate my body and all that it can do. It carries me through life: runs, skips, lunges, hops, stretches, pushes and takes on every challenge I give it-and very rarely complains. I devote it. I adore it. And I´ve decided I will keep on doing so until the day it is time to move on from this world...

Stand in front of a mirror. Naked. Watch your body and I mean:really take a good look at it. From top to toe. Every single inch. With love. With a kind smile (not a crooked, sarcastic one). Thank it. (Then bow for your neighbors if you have forgotten to close the curtains...) Can you do that?
If not, how can you expect other people to do so?

5 comments:

FREDRIK said...

What a great and inspirational story. I hope more people read this..

mojo said...

Thank you... I´m happy if I could help 1 single (young or old) person feel better about themselves...x

Lumumma said...

Bra skrivet. Det kanske handlar om att älska sig själv och sin kropp ... för gör man det så vill man väl inte misshandla den. Lättare sagt än gjort dock. Tack för tankeställaren.

mojo said...

Tack Lumumma.
Mer kärlek, respekt och acceptans gentemot mig själv och en förmåga att se min kropp som en fungerande helhet, istället för enskilda kroppsdelar, var det som hjälpte mig tillslut...
x

Evasleva said...

Jättefint inlägg! Jag blir lite varm i hjärtat av att tänka på att den osäkra tonåringen har förstått vad som är viktigt :)