I had the girls around last night. The Designer, The Stylist, The Sis and me. There were lots of laughter, great chilli and lots of stories. One topic that came up was unfaithfulness.
We all know someone who has been unfaithful, we all know someone whose partner has been unfaithful and the ones we don´t know about are more than we want to know about.
We discussed what to do if we found out if someone we knew were at it, to tell or not to tell, how it´s easy to judge other people and how long after the alleged affair is someone "clean" again? Is it ok to have an affair if the couple end up together? WHEN are you actually unfaithful? When you send someone insinuating texts, when you kiss, or when you have sex? Also, what is worse: several one-night stands or an actual affair over several months with the same person? And is it worse when a woman is unfaithful? (of course not, but somehow she seems to get judged much harder than a man...).
How do people find the energy/time/head space to have an affair??? It must be so tiring, time-consuming and stressful with the lies, the deceit and the sneaking around.
And how can the partner not know?
"Oh, honey, I fell asleep on Tom´s couch after me and the boys went back to his for a night-cap... I didn´t realize the time until I woke up and then it was 6AM!!!!...I´m so sorry...and, yes, my phone battery went dead! Can you believe it?"
We all agreed that:
- more people are at it than we want to know,
- that in some circles (not ours) it´s "the done deal" to play around away from home,
- that too many men and women get stuck in relationships that they are not happy with and
- that a strong physical attraction is important in a relationship.
What would I do if I found out that my partner was unfaithful? I have no idea. My emotional side says: Do all the crazy things that you see in the movies. Including the scissors. But the truth is: We don´t know until we´re in that situation.
Physical attraction is a powerful force, but I´d like to think that it is actually possible to live with one person and be faithful.
Am I a Love fool? Let time be my judge. :)