From laughter to tears to amazment and joy


Slept better last night so today wasn´t bad!
Started up with a café breakfast with gorgeous Malin I, who is only a few weeks behind me with her pregnancy. It was a wonderful opportunity to moan, discuss and LAUGH about different pregnancy issues. The biggest and loudest laughter of the fika? How not to show up at the delivery table with a ...... "beard".... need I say more???

I had lunch with one of the few high school friends that I keep in touch with and also happened to bump into lovely Fatou, who is the group training manager at Gymnasium.

Had a treatment at P´s clinic in the afternoon, after having snuggled with my niece for a bit. My lower back has started to complain loudly in the last week, so P made sure he gave me some tough love in that area...

Ok, so about 1 month to go. It´s amazing to have gone from:
1. Never wanting to have children.
2. Maybe wanting to have 1 child.
3. IF I´m going to have 1 child it will be with this man.
4. I´m going to have a child with this man.

When we finally made the decision it took us 1 month to get pregnant. But we also lost that pregnancy in a miscarriage 5 weeks later on.
It was weird. I was sad and upset and confused. First of all that I COULD get pregnant (for some reason I had had this feeling that maybe I couldn´t?) and secondly, how/why did it not work out? Completely illogical thinking, I know, but remember, I knew NOTHING about pregnancies, let alone miscarriges at this stage... I then learnt that about 25-30% of all first time pregnancies end up in miscarriage. I also learnt that many women around me had gone through the same thing without me knowing aobut it....I was shocked that it was so common and that people just didn´t seem to talk about it... I guess grief is such a personal thing....

I thought my body would need months to recover. It didn´t. I got pregnant again the following month. And went through the most scary experience. I had a very early ultrasound because of my previous experience and when I lay there on the examination table, the midwife couldn´t find anything.
An empty amniotic sac was all there was to see.
I was refered to the city´s main hospital. Over 3 days they measured my progesterone levels and in the end the doctor told me that I would most probably experience another miscarriage within the next few days. 2 days later the bleeding started.

This time it took me longer to recover. Both mentally, but also physically. 7 months to be exact, before I could feel that my body was back to normal. When your body is your working tool, you are so in tune with every aspect of it, that the slightest change can be felt.

After that 7th month, we got pregnant for the 3rd time. And that´s where we are now. Entering week 36. It´s amazing and it´s a joy, however bad I feel during certain days and certain hours. Believe me, I´m grateful.




p3te* said...

from your previous post I thought you'd reached stage #5

...I never want to go through the ordeal of having children ever again!

glad you're feeling better today :)


susanita said...

wow, du är så stark! Inte minst som delar med dig av dina upplevelser. Vi har också två missfall bakom oss även om de har varit mer "utspridda". Första förlorade vi i v.12 andra i v. 7. och det har varit ett sorgearbete.
Men somn nu är ett lyckoarbete, v.34 nu och det är nedräkning som gäller.
Visst har jag mina dagar då allt är pest och jag vill ha min kropp tillbaka, längtar så efter att kunna träna som vanligt, ut och springa. Men jag längtar verkligen efter vårt lilla Pyre o få se henne växa upp o inte minst se vilka idrotter hon kommer gilla =D

Jag ser redan dig o lilla Putte träna loss om några år, hi,hi.

Stor kram

mojo said...

that stage (#5) was already reached a long time ago... :)

Jag är så otroligt glad för din/er skull att ni också har kommit så här långt på resa nr.3.
Ser fram emot att få träffa Pyret "live" under 2009/2010! :)

Hugs & Love